The Royal ‘Guard-en’: Why Britain’s Police Are Growing Cannabis

In an unusual twist, police forces across Britain—starting with Essex Police—have started cultivating cannabis themselves. The reason? Better evidence.

Detective Chief Inspector Ian Hughes explained that police need high-quality evidence to successfully prosecute cannabis-related crimes. Instead of relying on sometimes questionable seized samples, Essex Police invested thousands of pounds over the past three years to grow their own plants under controlled conditions. This ensures that when cases go to court, they can present top-quality, standardized evidence that holds up against legal challenges.

The move stems from a legal loophole: by cultivating cannabis strictly for evidential purposes, the police stay within the bounds of the law. Now, with Essex’s program proving effective, other police forces are reportedly considering starting their own grows.

Of course, rumor has it they might also be secretly training for a more "highly decorated" mission—tending to King Charles’ very own Royal Guard-en. Long live the King, and may his gardens stay forever green.

But beyond the royal weed jokes, there’s a more plausible reason too. As one Norwegian officer explained on Reddit, dealing with seized cannabis can be a massive logistical nightmare. In many countries, all confiscated material must be sent to centralized crime labs. This leads to serious problems: hundreds or even thousands of plants can rot if not processed quickly.

To avoid the mess, updated rules suggest cutting sample plants for analysis, categorizing the rest locally, and estimating the farm’s yield based on plant counts and growth stages. If Britain hasn’t yet streamlined similar rules, it's very possible that police are continuing to cultivate seized crops simply to manage evidence properly until it’s mature enough to be analyzed, weighed, and used for charges. As one commenter cheekily pointed out: "Or you know, just legalize it."